Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Come see our sink grown plant.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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