oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I touched a dick in church today
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
