i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
