let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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