what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
