we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize