i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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