textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
