the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
