Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
