just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
