i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
