Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
