Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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