Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
