Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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