if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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