On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
