dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
