Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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