She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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