You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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