So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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