there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
