whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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