i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
