she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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