Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
high people should be assigned attendants
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There's always time for handjobs
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
