I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
