it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
