I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
