I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize