Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
