I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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