Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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