Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
