Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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