Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
