Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
