she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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