I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Send help, water and tortillas.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i think i just lost a toe
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
