Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
