Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
