Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
