Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
