i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
