I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
