i need an iv and a liver transplant
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
