is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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