I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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