Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
