you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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