Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
