I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
