Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
