Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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