a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
