im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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