do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
