I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
