please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
