He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Yo dont text me then not text me
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
