it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize