I have demons in me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
