there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
