this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
