I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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