Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
