We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
