I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize