How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
