Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
