you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
